Growing up

I say!

Well, we're nearly ready for the off, in order to see Menzies IV off on his travels. Of course, in case any criminals are reading this, the house will be protected by Armed Response in our absence, and there was a possible sighting of a leopard in the area recently.

Mrs M has looked out some more old snaps of Menzies IV. Here he is, with Henry Morton, on board a Russian submarine in Sydney Harbour.

And another one of the four Milngavies, in a desert somewhere.

My, how the boys have grown since then.

MM III

Hunt for Carslemane

I say!

Menzies IV has been set a task whilst in Australasia, where he heads off to shortly. The task is to locate Carslemane.

Above is a snap of Carslemane, taken by Spud with a cheap camera. This is the last known photograph of him, taken before he took that second cup of datura, in addition to the slab of XXXX he had for breakfast, and proceeded to head off east into the sunrise on foot, from Waly Waters, in August 2006, with the words "I need something to drink - perhaps a cuppa tea, perhaps something else".

As is well known, there's not a great deal of anything east of Waly Waters for a long, long way, but Carslemane is a very determined chap. A word of warning - Carslemane did not work in the middle of nowhere for no reason. If you come across him and he's drunk, be cautious. If you come across him and he's sober, be doubly cautious. Menzies IV is in no danger, of course, as Carslemane will recognise him from his times in Kalimbuka and Zambia, where he hunted crocodiles.

I expect that Menzies IV will locate him somewhere on the east coast of Australia, in a tea-room perhaps, or possibly a bar. Does anyone know how many bars there are on the east coast of Australia?

MM III

Telly troubles

I say!

I collected an interesting parcel from the Post Office the other day. Spud's brother, Dingo Dave, sent me a Warnie figurine. The instructions said to place the figurine two metres from the telly, and that it would make comments when the Commonwealth Bank One Day International cricket matches were on.

Well I say! I thought it was just an Aussie wind-up! I put the figurine on the mantlepiece and forgot all about it.

Then, yesterday morning just as Doviko was about to serve us our breakfasts, the figurine starts to talk! Doviko got such a fright that my boiled egg ended up on the floor. The telly wasn't even on, though it was on standby.

Very amusing. Every half hour or so, for the duration of the cricket match which was being played in Perth, the Warnie figurine pipes up about 'VB' and various cricket parlance. In his letter which accompanied the parcel, Dingo Dave explained that the figurines come free with a slab of VB, and he thought I'd be amused by it. I'll say! Neither Doviko or myself can figure out how it works, especially as Kalimbuka is several thousand miles from Perth.

Talking of tellies, does anyone know how to stop subtitles appearing? I had Jock up here the other day to help. He pressed a few buttons and then there were two sets of subtitles! We fixed that one, but the original subtitles still appear on some channels.

Jock's an interesting character. Done wonders with pineapples and goat dung over at Mulanje. Biggest and juiciest I've ever tasted. His father was in the Glorious Gloucesters, captured by the Chinese at the Imjin River. Never quite the same after that, he wasn't. Also served up in the Aberdares during Mau Mau. I say - what a mess up there just now!

MM III

Menzies IV's forthcoming trip

I say!

Mrs M and myself are looking forwards to our forthcoming trip to dear old Blighty to see off Menzies IV on his travels to Australasia.

"It seems like only yesterday that I was directing the maid on how to change his nappy." Mrs M said to me, only the other day.

Here's a snap of Menzies IV opening his breakfast, when he was quite young.


But they soon grow up, don't they? Here's a snap of him taken just before I saved him from being eaten by a crocodile.


And here he is, behind Henry Morton, in the Long Room at The Melbourne 'G'.


And a more recent snap, with Menzies IV on the right, and someone from another planet on the left.


He has a mission in Australasia - to find out what happened to Carslemane - of which, more next time.

MM III

Naughty writes

I say!

Paul Theroux once lived in this house, here in Kalimbuka. He wrote about it, but disguised the actual location, as he too was worried about the criminals. This is one reason why I've read so many of his books.

The other reason is that they are very enjoyable.

Here's the opening sentence from his recent book: Blinding Light.

""Wishing to go where you don't belong is the condition of most people in the world" was the opening sentence of Tresspassing."

I like that. The opening sentence actually includes the opening sentence of a fictitious book, which is quite clever. Not only that, but it's very interesting and grabs your attention. Superior, in those terms, to: "It was on the occasion of my fourtieth birthday that someone gave me a hat."

But I say! It's a naughty book! Far too naughty for Mrs M, who is of a delicate nature, to read.

I cannot possibly quote some passages, but here's one to give you an inkling, describing what took place on a second date:

What she said next was so memorable to him, he kept it to himself as a wicked secret, and never recalled it afterward without seeing the redness of her lips and tongue...
"Statistically, only six percent of the women who give blowjobs get any real pleasure from it," she said.
Steadman's mouth was already dry; the words he had attempted had shriveled and blistered on it and were gone. He was looking helplessly at her lipsticked mouth, her damp swollen lips.
He anticipated what she was going to say next, and his ears were already ringing, all the louder because he could see she wasn't smiling, only relating an established fact. Yet he was shocked. It was one of the boldest sentences he had ever heard from a woman - a taunt, a tease, a promise, the ultimate pickup line delivered as a statistic. She seemed to understand the effect it had on him and to desire him for being shockable, as he desired her for being able to shock him, Slade Steadman, reclusive author of the well-known book of surprises, Tresspassing.
"I'm in that six percent."

Well, I say, I've gone all red.

MM III