Why do you not compel your slaves and concubines to perform it for you?

I say!

By the way, wonderful news about the Duneditin 2009 conference. And also wonderful that England trounced the Windies at Lords. We are fortunate beings!

The subject line of this post is a quotation from Abdul the Damned, Turkish potentiate, also known as Abdul Aziz, (1842-1918). He was the last Ottoman sultan, and not a very nice man. How nasty he was is shown by the fact that not only did he massacre Armenians, but he also could not understand the great game of cricket.

In fact, the complete quotation is "Remarkable! But what needless exertion! Why do you not compel your slaves and concubines to perform it for you?" and he referred to the spectacle of some English sailors who had put on a one-dayer for his entertainment. Well, he persecuted over 100,000 Armenians, and didn't enjoy cricket. Obviously, he had at least two character flaws.

I know this because my friend J.C. who I wrote about previously when he proved to everyones satisfaction that cricket was a major sport enjoyed by the Ancient Romans, recently sent me a copy of "Carr's Dictionary of extra-ordinary English Cricketers". This is a very exciting booklet.

The front cover, depicting W.G. Grace, whets the appetite for what is inside. It's full of interesting facts and stories about some of the great men who have played the great game. For example:

S.F. Barnes, b Smethwick, 1873, an erect and uncompromising hostile fast-medium bowler who, using variations of his inswinger which straightened on pitching [always a deadly combination], took 189 Test Match wickets at an average of 16.43. Some observers reckoned that S.F. Barnes was the greatest bowler of all-time.

Here's another:

Colin Blythe, Kent, b. 1879, a subtle left-arm spin bowler, who, in 15 seasons, took 2506 wickets averaging 16. He was killed on the Western Front in 1917.

Ah - so many promising cricketers came to their end on the Western Front.

Arthur Courcey, Epsom, a stock-broker, a spectator of the 1882 Oval Test, which England lost by 17 runs. Whilst enduring 13 successive maiden overs he gnawed off the handle of his brother-in-law's umbrella. [I say! Well, we've all knawed at different things during crucial moments in Test Matches].

In the same match, another spectator died of a heart attack, so exciting was the action.

Here's an entry that appeals to me:

The Revd. Elisha Fawcett, c. 1817, a Manchester evangelical who devoted his life to teaching the natives of the Admiralty Islands the Commandments of God and the Laws of Cricket. Too poor to purchase a monument to this good man, his parishioners erected his wooden leg upon his grave. In that fertile clime it miraculously took root and for many years provided a bountiful harvest of bats.

Well I say! What more could anyone need in such climes apart from a knowledge of the Commandments, and the Laws of Cricket?

Here is a rather different entry:

Hesketh K. Nayler, c. 1851, a New York millionaire impotent who derived sexual gratification by maintaining an establishment of ample women to play cricket before him with balloons and without clothes.

We, I say! Everyone to their own.

Here's an entry with a superb name: Ranjitsinhji, Maharajah Jam Sahib of Nawanagar. And below is a picture of that elegant cutter. He played for Sussex, as did the Nawab of Pataudi.

MM III