Ancient Sumerians and cricket

I say!

Here is a wonderful clip of my close friend Daniel (Dr Daniel Kachamba).



On another matter, my friend J.C., a demon bowler and opening batsman of no little talent before he retired to take up full time pitch inspections, has brought back irrefutable proof from his recent research trip to Syria that cricket was a major sport amongst the Ancient Sumerians. In fact, it was probably from them that the Romans learnt the great game. Some time ago, I posted about the Romans and cricket.

J.C. conducted extensive research in the Syrian desert, and sent back the following two snaps.

The first snap shows the wicket at the Sumerian cricket headquarters at Palmyra - their equivalent of Lords. The bails have not been taken off, so one must assume that the game was interrupted by something quite serious - perhaps the Uruks were invaded mid-game by Lugal-Zage-Si of Umma. Note in the background, on the hill, the new press box behind the bowlers arm. It is from there that Gilgamesh, the Sumerian equivalent of Geoffrey Boycott, would have reported to his countrymen upon the state of play.

J.C.'s second snap below clearly shows a Sumerian scorecard. For comparison, I have included a modern equivalent. One can see that the technique has not progressed much over the centuries, but neither has it needed to, such is the noble art.


MM III

What do you do on Saturdays?

I say!

I was in some company the other evening at the 'Government Hostile' when someone present said - "Menzies - what do you do on Saturdays?"

Well, I thought it quite a peculiar question. Of course, I responded "On Saturdays, I watch the cricket, after which I hold a brief training session with the Kalimbuka VII" (It's really the Kalimbuka V unless you count Casper and Farley, the dogs, who often go after the ball when it goes down to third man, their speciality fielding position (i.e. their baskets)).

Ah, the chappy continued - "But what do you do if there's no cricket on the television?"

Well, I was dumfounded, and rather lost for words, because I have no idea what I do on Saturdays if there's no cricket on the television. It very much got me thinking. What on earth DO I do on Saturdays when there is no cricket.

Last Saturday, due to the trouncing England gave the Windies on Friday, there was no cricket on the television, unless you count the IPL game, which I decided not to watch in order that I could find out what I did on Saturdays when there's no cricket.

Here was my day's itinerary:

Got up, shaved and showered, with Mrs M enjoyed Doviko's breakfast of scrambled eggs (our own eggs - the hens have started to lay again). Checked The Daily Times. Read through The Daily Telegraph county cricket scores. Checked cricinfo for forthcoming games.

Walked round the house. Discussed plans for the garden with Wilson. Had a cuppa rooibos. Emptied bowels.

Made out Doviko's shopping list and discussed the forthcoming week's meal plan. Discussed Doviko's loan situation (not too bad). Confirmed Doviko's schedule for the coming two weeks and set him some further performance targets.

Walked round the garden again, and spoke to Abdul about the security incident the other night (turns out it was only the DuPre couple having an argument along the road).

Had lunch and dozed off. Woke up, paid Doviko, Wilson and Abdul their wages.

Had a quick look through Wisden to verify that Brian Close scored 52 centuries (this had been troubling me the previous evening).

With Mrs M, enjoyed Doviko's diner of chambo and chips with a slice of lemon. Let Doviko off without having to do the washing up. Poured an MGT. Lost track of time. Read a book about tea.

And so - I have discovered what I do on Saturdays when there is no cricket on the television. What I spend most of my time doing on Saturdays is spend time thinking up things for the servants to do. It's quite draining, actually. I was tired out by 9pm.

What do YOU do on Saturdays? I invite you to tell me, in comments to this post.

MM III

Why do you not compel your slaves and concubines to perform it for you?

I say!

By the way, wonderful news about the Duneditin 2009 conference. And also wonderful that England trounced the Windies at Lords. We are fortunate beings!

The subject line of this post is a quotation from Abdul the Damned, Turkish potentiate, also known as Abdul Aziz, (1842-1918). He was the last Ottoman sultan, and not a very nice man. How nasty he was is shown by the fact that not only did he massacre Armenians, but he also could not understand the great game of cricket.

In fact, the complete quotation is "Remarkable! But what needless exertion! Why do you not compel your slaves and concubines to perform it for you?" and he referred to the spectacle of some English sailors who had put on a one-dayer for his entertainment. Well, he persecuted over 100,000 Armenians, and didn't enjoy cricket. Obviously, he had at least two character flaws.

I know this because my friend J.C. who I wrote about previously when he proved to everyones satisfaction that cricket was a major sport enjoyed by the Ancient Romans, recently sent me a copy of "Carr's Dictionary of extra-ordinary English Cricketers". This is a very exciting booklet.

The front cover, depicting W.G. Grace, whets the appetite for what is inside. It's full of interesting facts and stories about some of the great men who have played the great game. For example:

S.F. Barnes, b Smethwick, 1873, an erect and uncompromising hostile fast-medium bowler who, using variations of his inswinger which straightened on pitching [always a deadly combination], took 189 Test Match wickets at an average of 16.43. Some observers reckoned that S.F. Barnes was the greatest bowler of all-time.

Here's another:

Colin Blythe, Kent, b. 1879, a subtle left-arm spin bowler, who, in 15 seasons, took 2506 wickets averaging 16. He was killed on the Western Front in 1917.

Ah - so many promising cricketers came to their end on the Western Front.

Arthur Courcey, Epsom, a stock-broker, a spectator of the 1882 Oval Test, which England lost by 17 runs. Whilst enduring 13 successive maiden overs he gnawed off the handle of his brother-in-law's umbrella. [I say! Well, we've all knawed at different things during crucial moments in Test Matches].

In the same match, another spectator died of a heart attack, so exciting was the action.

Here's an entry that appeals to me:

The Revd. Elisha Fawcett, c. 1817, a Manchester evangelical who devoted his life to teaching the natives of the Admiralty Islands the Commandments of God and the Laws of Cricket. Too poor to purchase a monument to this good man, his parishioners erected his wooden leg upon his grave. In that fertile clime it miraculously took root and for many years provided a bountiful harvest of bats.

Well I say! What more could anyone need in such climes apart from a knowledge of the Commandments, and the Laws of Cricket?

Here is a rather different entry:

Hesketh K. Nayler, c. 1851, a New York millionaire impotent who derived sexual gratification by maintaining an establishment of ample women to play cricket before him with balloons and without clothes.

We, I say! Everyone to their own.

Here's an entry with a superb name: Ranjitsinhji, Maharajah Jam Sahib of Nawanagar. And below is a picture of that elegant cutter. He played for Sussex, as did the Nawab of Pataudi.

MM III