Birmingham

I say!

Well what a to-do. First of all they send me an emergency call to come to Dear Old Blighty and offer some pitch advice for the pitch at Edgbaston before the Third Test. They put me up at the Reigate Manor Hotel (room shown below, with new netbook, and the excellent free Surrey Guide magazine, in the frame) in Surrey, so that I can attend headquarters for some top hush-hush business before proceeding to Birmingham.

Then the next day they decide that the pitch is, in fact, fine to play (it's the outfield that has been giving the problems, due to the constant recent rain) and I'm not really needed. So instead, they sign me off, and give me a ticket for Saturday at Edgbaston, and they put me up at the Quality Inn Hotel, 166 Hagley Road, Birmingham (room shown below), all expenses paid plus a free bar!!


We're fortunate beings, so we are!

MM III

Tea

I say!

I find it hard to believe that the reason the Aussies are going to lose the Ashes is that their fast bowler's mum thinks his girlfriend is not good enough for him - but that's the truth, according to this article in The Telegraph. I don't know what the world's coming to. The Aussies have even banned sledging during the series. If Merv (the Swerve) Hughes wasn't still alive, he'd be turning in his grave.

They'll do anything to persuade people to go to Australia, now that they are losing at the cricket. Here's an advert I particularly enjoyed.

Due to the inordinate amount of rain they've been having in Dear Old Blighty recently, I've been called in to act as an emergency adviser for the forthcoming pitch, and will have to leave Kalimbuka tomorrow in the safe hands of Armed Response, Wilson, the dogs, and Mrs M for a few days and go to Edgbaston. Criminals take note - the boundary has been booby-trapped, the dogs have rabies, and Wilson has been sharpening his panga for a whole week now.

In the meantime, for those who enjoyed the movies from Africa in a previous post, here's another, very sobering and gripping one.

I'm currently sitting here in Kalimbuka enjoying a cup of Lapsang Souchong. Smokey, it is.

In the mother country (Dear Old Blighty), any day of the year, an average of 165 million cups of tea are brewed. As Mrs M and myself saw on our recent trip to Sri Lanka, a tea picker picks several kilos of tea per day, but when processed (dried, cooked, rolled and cooked again) this reduces to the equivalent of about one pound. Tea pickers are not well paid, and are mostly Tamils. They may earn enough in a day to buy a six-pack of Castlemaine XXXX. Thankfully, Castlemaine XXXX isn't usually on sale in the tea estates.



Only the top two leaves and the bud at the end of each branch are picked. Tea contains theanine, which is similar to caffeine. According to the Wikipedia, "...theanine has psychoactive properties.^[5] Theanine has been shown to reduce mental and physical stress^[6], reduce anxiety similar to a degree similar to anxiolytics like alprazolam^[7] and improves cognition and mood in a synergistic manner with caffeine." Caffeine is the most widely consumed behaviour-modifying drug in the world.

Tea is said to promote longevity, help digestion, help to clear phlegm, and lift spirits. Tea contains traces of manganese, zinc, potassium, and magnesium.

Here are some tea pickers at work on an estate near Haputale.

Tea can be grown from seed, but is usually cloned, a process known as agamogenesis. The tea bushes are allowed to grow to about 1.5 metres before being developed into flat tops. As a result, walking through a hillside on which tea is growing is like walking in a well-tended garden with lots of pruned hedges.

Below is Mrs M being shown samples of tea, at the Tea Factory. Although the Tea Factory is actually a hotel now, they still produce a small amount of tea in a building closeby.


And shown below is the final product, on display in the packing room.


Below is our residence at the time - The Tea Factory hotel. Lovely place. In the foreground, most of what you can see consists of tea bushes.


Hugh Falconer, William Jameson, Robert Fortune, James Taylor, Thomas Lipton, Robert Bruce - these are famous names in the history of tea. All Scots, so they were.

They have tried mechanised tea pickers, but it doesn't work well, so the industry remains very labour-intensive. Tea employs, directly and indirectly, about half a million people in Sri Lanka. It's been grown there only since the 1860s, in response to the blight which attacked coffee plants.

The custom of drinking tea is probably older than the custom of meditating. It is said that the first person to drink tea was the Emperor Shen-Nung, a long, long time ago.

MM III

Fingers

I say!

The answer to the quiz in a previous post was that Nathan Hauritz had just dislocated his finger. An occupational hazzard with bowling, as can be seen from this snap of David Morrison.


MM III

King Freddie

I say!

"King Freddie" was the Kabaka of Uganda. You can watch his coronation in this wonderful video.


Now there is a new King Freddie - Freddie Flintoff, the Hammer of the Aussies. Freddie is the king of cricket.



On the other hand, General Idi Amin Dada once claimed to be the King of Scotland. In the above video, he gives out his phone number, and advises on the place of women in the household.

MM III

What has just happened?

I say!

Well, the Aussie cricketers are in danger of being humiliated at Lords. The Ashes Test Match at Lords is, of course, the greatest sporting event in the world.

Here's a quiz question. What has just hapened, in the snap below:


MM III

In need of coaching

I say!

Someone should give some basic coaching to the Aussie bowlers. This is not a good position from which to bowl:


MM III

Empire of cricket

I say!

Not long to go now until Duneditin 2009. In the meantime, here's a wonderful BBC programme.

I enjoyed the quote from the great Tom Graveney in that programme, about the Aussies facing up to Bob Willis' fast bowling: "It's always nice to see an Australian batsman go white"

At the present time, of course, the Aussie cricketers are becoming experts at whinging, rather than playing up and playing the game (the second match of the series begins later today).

Andy Flower tells Ricky Ponting to stop whinging about time-wasting.

I also have it on the best authority that Sir Geoffrey, after a couple of jars down at his local the other night, said "Eee. Yon Aussies do nowt but complain. Even me Mum changes 'er glooves now and then, so what's wrong wi Jimmy getting his changed after 'es bin at wicket fer half an hour? Yoong Jimmy played very well. He's a good blocker, he is, and batting is all about blocking. It were great creekit, it were, joost like when I played."

And the Aussies can't even beat Tuffers at pedalo racing or lawnmower racing!





Finally, here's a wonderful song, which you'll want to put on repeat:



MM III

Where's Mrs M?

I say!

It's rather a big case of whinging Aussies after the first Test Match. First of all, they get wound up about an innocent advert beamed on to Sydney Harbour Bridge, and then Ricky Ponting, The Aussie captain, get's upset when one of the England batsmen changes his gloves. Well, I say - which of us, even the Queen, has not wanted to change our gloves at some stage or another?

When, of when, will the Aussies stop complaining? The next thing you know, they may copy the West Indies players, go into a complete huff, and decline to play.

It was a close-run thing in the first Test Match of the Ashes in Cardiff, but in the end it was a draw. Who knows what might have happened if Australa had had to bat again. All it takes is ten good balls, after all. Of course, there was the small matter of the 670 or so runs that they scored in the first innings, but's let's not worry too much about that.

England have not been humiliated (yet), and what a real plus that is. Things can only get better.

Not too long to go until Duneditin 2009. In the meantime, where's Mrs M in the snap shown below?



MM III

The Ashes are England's

I say!

This morning at Cardiff, in the 65th instance of The Ashes, England won the toss, and chose to bat. England are playing two spinners, and this means that the Aussies will have to bat last on a wicket which is known to turn square. The main Aussie fast bowler, Brett Lee, is injured.

It's obvious that the Ashes are almost England's, and we can look forward to seeing a similar image to the above, but with the Ashes raised above the England captain's head, in the media, later in the summer.

MM III

Update. Hmm, some minor hiccups as England lose three early wickets on the first morning's play, but nothing to worry too much about, I trust.

For those who like to relive Ashes moments of the past, and that must surely include just about everyone, there's a lovely Ashes Archive at the BBC. Only this morning, Doviko was telling me that he wished he had more time to listen to and watch these archived sound recordings and videos.

I'm back, I'm mean...and I'm tipsy

I say!

How wonderful it is to be back in Kalimbuka once more after our travels to the Far East. Mrs M and myself had a most wonderful time in Sri Lanka and other places, of which more in a while. The expedition was a resounding success, and I have brought back irreputable evidence of all sorts of things.

For once, the trip did not involve very much hush hush business, and I was therefore able to concentrate almost entirely on pitch matters. By that, I do not mean pitch matting, but rather the real substance of pitches - mother earth.

I have a lot to report on, but before that, returning to Kalimbuka slightly jet-lagged brings to mind a previous occasion when I returned from the Far East. My route at that time, some eight years ago, took in Dear Old Blighty. Having earned so many airmiles from the trip, I treated Hotboy to an extended weekend in the Nederlands before returning to Kalimbuka.

Well, I tell you...what a weekend we had. We didn't even manage to check in to our hotel for the first two days. I believe that one night we stayed at a squat in Harlem, but can't be too sure, as Hotters started serious drinking on the flight over (ordering me one for each two that he consumed), and then dragged me into a bar as soon as we'd landed. Then he introduced himself to some locals. Several hours later I completely lost track of reality.

I believe it was on the Sunday morning that I eventually said to Hotters:

"I say, Hotters! My feet haven't touched the ground yet. As far as I can recollect, I believe that we haven't eaten for at least a day or so. What say you that we call into this establishment [pointing to a restaurant] and order some breakfast?"

Well, let me tell you, Hotters was not impressed with this suggestion. In fact, and in no uncertain terms, he shouted back at me:

"Mingin! Pull yourself together, man. This is Amsterdam. Ah'm nae gonna pollute masel' wi food! It's entirely up to you if you want to."

We did, however, end up in the restaurant. I had a lovely breakfast, and Hotters had some more liquid refreshments to wash down the pills he'd just bought at the corner shop.

Such a civilised place, Amsterdam. I must return there, in the near future.

But to matter of more consequence.

Here is a quiz question:

What is Mrs M doing in the following snap?


To set the scene and give you a clue, we have just arrived at the most wonderful Hunas Falls Hotel, and have been shown to our room.

Clue: If you were Mrs M, what would you do?

MM III